"I got Billy Bob this time, Judge. I got him. I just knew he was dirty when we caught him and thirteen-year-old Susie Sweethighs all alone together in that hay loft. A cryin' shame nobody would press charges. Well, ever since then I been keepin' my eye on ol' Billy Bob, and this time I got him dead to rights."

"Well, I hope you do, Rupert. I surely hope you do, but ol' Billy Bob is slipperier than a barrelful of Kingsnakes."

"Well, this time I did my homework, Judge. I got Alice Faye on the inside, and she says he's armed to the teeth with three fully automatic AK-47's, a hand-held missile launcher, two flame throwers and a bazooka."

"Now, jest hold on a sec, Rupert. Ol' Billy Bob is a member of the MCM....Moral Christian Majority, ain't he?"

"Yeah. So what?"

"Well, that new law they passed down to the county seat allows a person actin' in good faith to protect his freedom of religion. Told you he was hard to nail down."

"Well, that ain't all he's got. He's got two kilos of the whitest, purest coke that money can buy, and he's got a great big garbage bag full of Mary-Jew-Wanna. I told you I got him!"

"And I told you he's slipperier than a greased pig runnin' away from his own barbeque. Joe Willy tried to bust him last month on drug charges, but it seems ol' Billy Bob's gone out and bought hisself a controlled substances permit."

"A what?"

"Yessir, ever since the Feds been runnin' low on cash to finance Social Security and Medicare for the baby boomers, they been drummin' up new ways to raise revenue. A bought license makes all that controlled stuff legal now."

"Well, I'll be hornswoggled, Your Honor. I guess gettin' Alice Faye to have sex with Billy Bob just to get close to him was a waste of time."

"She-it, Rupert! You got your warrant. Call out the SWAT team! We got him on felony fornication, havin' sex without bein' married. You can have your paper soon as you buy me a drink. Let justice be served."